Hello !! Welcome to the third edition of "For the Utterly Jobless" . I hope that you've wasted your time reading the other 2 editions of FTUJ :D . This one features some unbelievably stupid clips from commercial movies which went down the drain ,enacted by a "leading artiste" of the South Indian Film industry. Such clips provide really good pass time for the utterly jobless souls.
*STATUATORY WARNING* Please donot try these at home .Parental guidance is highly recommended :P
Open heart surgery with mobile phones:
This clip shows the latest advancements in heart surgery , demonstrated by Vijaykanth (who will be referred to as Capt. from now on) . Capt. demonstrates that mobile phones can be used for more than just yakking with another person. See how the powerful light emitted from the phone's screen helps the quacks er.. doctors to perform the surgery.
The next clip shows paranormal physics , superbly demonstrated by Capt. The baddie points a pistol (fake) at our hero , who pays no heed to the baddie's threat and keeps walking , gets shot and no, it doesnt end with that.. amazingly, our Captain survives and the bullet ricochets back to the baddie ,killing him instantly. Our modest superhero Capt. then reveals his secret that saved him - a plate stolen from a nearby hotel, which he then flings away with style. Capt. thus makes a fool out of Stephanie Kwolek.
This amazing clip shows that even Bill Gates or any other geek at microsoft have no clue that the software named Windows Media Player has mutated. Our Supergeek/Superhero Capt. makes the best use of this mutation to type in commands and lo and behold - WiMP becomes an interactive software thus clearly showing that it has a mind of its own. Screw you Billy.
This next video shows Capt.'s electrifying performance as he beats the crap out of electricity. The baddie approaches menacingly towards Capt., brandishing two electrodes , which donot blow the fuse even when it's repeatedly shorted by the baddie. He then places the two ends on the cheap helmet which our Capt., is forcibly made to wear. And to everybody's surprise , instead of limping in his chair , Capt. starts reeling out his award-winning dialogue (shown in the subtitle).
Friday, March 21, 2008
Wicked Cool Java - The JScience API
JScience is a hardcore Math-Science library which provides a wide range of methods and datatypes related to Measurement (Converters , Quantities , Units) , Economics , Geography (Co-Ordinates) , Mathematics (Functions ,Numbers,Structures,Vector) and Physics.It provides data types to store numbers with a very high precision. Classes such as the LargeInteger can hold numbers of immutable sizes with arbitrary precision.
Though they may sound similar to the BigDecimal class provided in the java.lang.Number class , the org.jscience.mathematics.number.Number.LargeInteger has the following advantages:
* It is optimized for 64 bits architectures. But still runs significantly faster on 32 bits processors.
* Real-time compliance for improved performance and predictability (no garbage generated when executing in StackContext).
* Improved algorithms (e.g. Concurrent Karabutsa multiplication in O(nLog^3) instead of O(n^2).
Links :
API List -> http://jscience.org/api/index.html
Source Code -> http://jscience.org/jscience-4.3.1-src.zip
Download Library -> http://jscience.org/jscience-4.3.1-bin.zip
If you find it useful, say thanks to the Project Owner - Jean-Marie Dautelle
JScience is powered by the Javolution library (for real-time/fast performance, parallel computing etc.)
The library is open-source (BSD License). Everyone can participate by submitting new modules as long as those modules are integrated with existing modules.
I'd like to end this post with a video of a mechanical calculator for simple binary arithmetic operations :)
Though they may sound similar to the BigDecimal class provided in the java.lang.Number class , the org.jscience.mathematics.number.Number.LargeInteger has the following advantages:
* It is optimized for 64 bits architectures. But still runs significantly faster on 32 bits processors.
* Real-time compliance for improved performance and predictability (no garbage generated when executing in StackContext).
* Improved algorithms (e.g. Concurrent Karabutsa multiplication in O(nLog^3) instead of O(n^2).
Links :
API List -> http://jscience.org/api/index.html
Source Code -> http://jscience.org/jscience-4.3.1-src.zip
Download Library -> http://jscience.org/jscience-4.3.1-bin.zip
If you find it useful, say thanks to the Project Owner - Jean-Marie Dautelle
JScience is powered by the Javolution library (for real-time/fast performance, parallel computing etc.)
The library is open-source (BSD License). Everyone can participate by submitting new modules as long as those modules are integrated with existing modules.
I'd like to end this post with a video of a mechanical calculator for simple binary arithmetic operations :)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
For the utterly jobless (2) - Uncyclopedia
Are you tired of playing CS 24x7 and wanna take a break?
Are you tired of working like a slave in your office and wanna blow your boss's brains off?
Are you feeling lonely because none of your messenger buddies are online?
Or.. are you plain bored of everything being normal?
Yes people .. the remedy for all this and more is here --- UNCYCLOPEDIA ---
Uncyclopedia
1) What is it ?
Ans : It is the ultimate parody of the ultimate nerd site called wikipedia.
2) What stuff does it contain?
Ans: The most sarcastic , slanderous , humorous , sexist , 1337 stuff eva!
3) Quick.. Dont keep nagging and gimme the link
Ans: www.uncyclopedia.org
The home page is loaded with totally insane articles .. a hint of things to come.
Start with the "Today's featured article" and check out the UnNews .. where every bit of information is falsified to parodical levels. Make additions to the "On this day" section and move on to the "did you know" and "featured picture" and try your best to make it to the "noob of the month" hall of fame :P Search for articles of your interest using UnCyclopedia's search tool.
*Statuatory Warning* : Articles are totally insensitive and may even be racist, but guaranteed to be hillarious.
And yeah.. dont forget to read the quotes by Uncyclopedia's gay mascot - the homosexual Oscar Wilde.
Check out Uncyclopedia's "SISTA Projects"
UnNews - The news source on crack
Undictionary - The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes - Where noisy things can live and prosper
The Uncyclopedia Store - Buy unnecessary items to support Uncyclomedia
UnMeta - How Uncyclopedia doesn't work
UnBooks -Content-free books
Unquotable - Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity - If it makes sense, we don't want it
Yes people .. this edition of "For the utterly jobless" needs advanced technical knowledge of "switching on a computer". This makes it even more complicated and challenging than the game of "pen fight" . Anyway .. take up the challenge and i hope that everybody who reads this succeeds in being Totally Jobless , no matter where you are from or what you do for a living.
Are you tired of working like a slave in your office and wanna blow your boss's brains off?
Are you feeling lonely because none of your messenger buddies are online?
Or.. are you plain bored of everything being normal?
Yes people .. the remedy for all this and more is here --- UNCYCLOPEDIA ---
Uncyclopedia
1) What is it ?
Ans : It is the ultimate parody of the ultimate nerd site called wikipedia.
2) What stuff does it contain?
Ans: The most sarcastic , slanderous , humorous , sexist , 1337 stuff eva!
3) Quick.. Dont keep nagging and gimme the link
Ans: www.uncyclopedia.org
The home page is loaded with totally insane articles .. a hint of things to come.
Start with the "Today's featured article" and check out the UnNews .. where every bit of information is falsified to parodical levels. Make additions to the "On this day" section and move on to the "did you know" and "featured picture" and try your best to make it to the "noob of the month" hall of fame :P Search for articles of your interest using UnCyclopedia's search tool.
*Statuatory Warning* : Articles are totally insensitive and may even be racist, but guaranteed to be hillarious.
And yeah.. dont forget to read the quotes by Uncyclopedia's gay mascot - the homosexual Oscar Wilde.
Check out Uncyclopedia's "SISTA Projects"
UnNews - The news source on crack
Undictionary - The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes - Where noisy things can live and prosper
The Uncyclopedia Store - Buy unnecessary items to support Uncyclomedia
UnMeta - How Uncyclopedia doesn't work
UnBooks -Content-free books
Unquotable - Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity - If it makes sense, we don't want it
Yes people .. this edition of "For the utterly jobless" needs advanced technical knowledge of "switching on a computer". This makes it even more complicated and challenging than the game of "pen fight" . Anyway .. take up the challenge and i hope that everybody who reads this succeeds in being Totally Jobless , no matter where you are from or what you do for a living.
Guess Who's Back!!
It's been a week since i came online .. i had a great week in Goa with a bunch of totally bindaas people from SVCE. But no.. this post is not about ME getting back from wonderland. This is about a person ,whom i've never met before , never thanked for his kindness , a hero to thousands of leechers and yes .. the ultimate enemy of the bastards - MPAA . If you've been downloading movies illegally , you need no further introduction to the one and only .. king of movie torrents - AXXO.
Often imitated but never replicated , AXXO has established himself as the Demi-God of piracy. With his 700-MB-A-Movie rips , he has captured both the hearts and bandwidths of several thousand people , worldwide.
He has uploaded as many as 399 movies (as on 10-11-2007) . I guess he got pretty tired after uploading all those .. and he decided to take a break from his philanthropic-self and went into hibernation for 3 months. The MPAA leaped in joy as he made public his decision to take a break.
the torrent-world was plunged into darkness,
for her knight in shining armor had retired.
and MPAA guffawed with all its might,
for , the hero of the masses had disappeared in the night.
And then started the reign of his duplicates
who tried a lot to use his name ;but in vain .
And one nearly managed to overthrow the king .
Klaxxon was his name.
He grew and built up his fame.
but wrong did he .
by releasing rips sized more than one cd.
But now the king has returned,
to vanquish the evil and kill the beast,
the beast that was named MPAA.
(Damn.. i had a poet in me all along :P )
Anyway.. here is the link to his torrents
Mininova.org --> http://www.mininova.org/user/aXXo
Torrent Box --> http://www.torrentbox.com/account-details.php?id=277561
Please use ONLY the two links above to get hold of his torrents , both the old and the new ones. All other sites are bogus and are full of crap.
Happy leeching :D and yes .. please dont forget to upload after downloading. Dont be selfish.
Often imitated but never replicated , AXXO has established himself as the Demi-God of piracy. With his 700-MB-A-Movie rips , he has captured both the hearts and bandwidths of several thousand people , worldwide.
He has uploaded as many as 399 movies (as on 10-11-2007) . I guess he got pretty tired after uploading all those .. and he decided to take a break from his philanthropic-self and went into hibernation for 3 months. The MPAA leaped in joy as he made public his decision to take a break.
the torrent-world was plunged into darkness,
for her knight in shining armor had retired.
and MPAA guffawed with all its might,
for , the hero of the masses had disappeared in the night.
And then started the reign of his duplicates
who tried a lot to use his name ;but in vain .
And one nearly managed to overthrow the king .
Klaxxon was his name.
He grew and built up his fame.
but wrong did he .
by releasing rips sized more than one cd.
But now the king has returned,
to vanquish the evil and kill the beast,
the beast that was named MPAA.
(Damn.. i had a poet in me all along :P )
Anyway.. here is the link to his torrents
Mininova.org --> http://www.mininova.org/user/aXXo
Torrent Box --> http://www.torrentbox.com/account-details.php?id=277561
Please use ONLY the two links above to get hold of his torrents , both the old and the new ones. All other sites are bogus and are full of crap.
Happy leeching :D and yes .. please dont forget to upload after downloading. Dont be selfish.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Interesting Caricatures
Mahabharatha - the re-run :P
Indian cricket , auctioned off :
Indian cricket , auctioned off :
(D)Evolution of cricket?
Lalloo , Putting a smile on aam admi's visage. 
Laloo , P.C , PM and Sonia
Fidel Castro :)
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Adieu , Gilly :(
The Cb Series victory was a remarkable feat by the young Indian squad. It was a day of joy and endless cheer for the Indian team.. but the day also marked the end of the road for Adam Gilchrist - the finest wicketkeeper-batsman that Cricket has ever produced. His aggressive game play and the agility that he demonstrated on the field has helped him to achieve unprecedented standards in the game. It is indeed a pity that he was on the field for only a few minutes in his last ODI appearance.
He has proclaimed himself to be a "walker" - ("to walk" is a term in cricket which means that a batsman ought to agree that he has been dismissed and leave the field of play without waiting for (or contrary to) an umpire's decision - an unparalled act of honesty that he has done on numerous ocassions. He might have been involved in a few controversies .. something very normal for an Australian cricketer :P but his game play has overshadowed all of these and he has made sure that it is his game play and not the controversies that people would remember him for :)
I'd like to end this post with these images
Monday, March 3, 2008
For the utterly jobless (1) - Pen Fight
Yes.. the name says it all.. the battle of the.. ermm.. pens (there is no spelling mistake there !)
Highly recommended for the totally jobless characters ... in the classroom , at office ..practically anywhere!
Equipment required : A table , preferrably 2x1.5 ft , pens - as required.
How to play :
1) There are two variants of the game.. a) The team game variant (max 2 teams/3 members a team) (b) The Every-man-for-himself variant.
2) If you are playing the singles match.. make sure your pens arent too close to your opponent's .
If you are playing the team variant.. choose a side of the table for a team.
3) All the players must have their pens on the table , perpendicular to the edge from which they are starting.
4) Players take turns in a clockwise manner to shoot their pen into the centre of the arena (the table :P ) . Care must be taken not to overshoot the table's boundary.
5) Players can use their pen to strike the opponent's pen using the Carrom - style striking action.
STRICTLY no pushing the pen or dragging it around or switching hands during a strike. The aim of the strike is to send the opponent's pen out of the playing area.
6) May the last person standing win. If atleast one member of a team is still standing at the end.. his/her team is the winner !
7) Matches are comprised of 10 games each.
Scoring Schemes (Singles Match)
(i) For every opponent you manage to knock out , add 5 points to your score
(ii) If an attempt to knock out an opponent results in a) either you flying off the table b)both you and the opponent are knocked out of the arena , then .. no one gets any points.
(iii) 1 point will be awarded to the player who is last - i.e has ot been knocked out of the arena by the opponents.
This game eventhough seems to be dumb.. requires a lot of concentration , judgement and practical knowledge of dynamics :D
Enjoy as you worthlessly spend your time pitting your pen against others and celebrating well deserved victories :)
Snaps of a group of utterly jobless people playing this game :
The initial position
Few seconds into a commenced game.
A "pen-fighter" analysing the next move to strategically crush his opponents .. He looks calm on the outside ..but in reality .. a storm is brewing in his head. Calculations pertaining to kinetics and dynamics are flowing thro his veins , assisting this would-be conqueror to reign supreme .. on the table :P
Beat the pen fighter's pose all you anands , fischers and topalovs :P
Highly recommended for the totally jobless characters ... in the classroom , at office ..practically anywhere!
Equipment required : A table , preferrably 2x1.5 ft , pens - as required.
How to play :
1) There are two variants of the game.. a) The team game variant (max 2 teams/3 members a team) (b) The Every-man-for-himself variant.
2) If you are playing the singles match.. make sure your pens arent too close to your opponent's .
If you are playing the team variant.. choose a side of the table for a team.
3) All the players must have their pens on the table , perpendicular to the edge from which they are starting.
4) Players take turns in a clockwise manner to shoot their pen into the centre of the arena (the table :P ) . Care must be taken not to overshoot the table's boundary.
5) Players can use their pen to strike the opponent's pen using the Carrom - style striking action.
STRICTLY no pushing the pen or dragging it around or switching hands during a strike. The aim of the strike is to send the opponent's pen out of the playing area.
6) May the last person standing win. If atleast one member of a team is still standing at the end.. his/her team is the winner !
7) Matches are comprised of 10 games each.
Scoring Schemes (Singles Match)
(i) For every opponent you manage to knock out , add 5 points to your score
(ii) If an attempt to knock out an opponent results in a) either you flying off the table b)both you and the opponent are knocked out of the arena , then .. no one gets any points.
(iii) 1 point will be awarded to the player who is last - i.e has ot been knocked out of the arena by the opponents.
This game eventhough seems to be dumb.. requires a lot of concentration , judgement and practical knowledge of dynamics :D
Enjoy as you worthlessly spend your time pitting your pen against others and celebrating well deserved victories :)
Snaps of a group of utterly jobless people playing this game :
The initial position
Few seconds into a commenced game.
A "pen-fighter" analysing the next move to strategically crush his opponents .. He looks calm on the outside ..but in reality .. a storm is brewing in his head. Calculations pertaining to kinetics and dynamics are flowing thro his veins , assisting this would-be conqueror to reign supreme .. on the table :P
Beat the pen fighter's pose all you anands , fischers and topalovs :P
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